Chat with Manoj and Radha

Manoj and Radha arrived in Sydney, Australia about 18 years ago with their son Rohan, who was just 6 years old then. The reason they chose to migrate to Australia was ‘just stroke of luck’ – in their own words. Equally coincidentally they could have landed in Canada. Although, they definitely think Australia is one of the best countries in the world- considering the weather, sports and the fact that “it is not too big”. This opinion comes from Manoj- a person who has traveled more than 25 countries for work, and lived in a few of them for a couple years each, including, USA and Singapore!

Now, here is a surprise and actually, came to me as a shock- Rohan, their only son, who has been brought up in Sydney, has chosen to become a pilot. And no, the choice of his profession is not a shock- but the place where he has chosen to start his career is! It is none other than – Amchi Mumbai!!! ‘Reverse migration’ as Manoj chooses to call this!!! This is simply remarkable and I wanted to know from the couple what they felt about Rohan’s decision to go back to India. They said they were shocked initially too, but it did not come as a complete surprise to them. They believe he is likely to stay back in India for many years to come.

I will slightly change the format of this post and will present my findings in form of QA –a true interview format!

1) Did you intend to go back to India after, say 5 years or 10 years? Do you still plan to go back to India?

Like most of the migrants, the couple did think about going back after a few years. And like most of them, they did not- reason? Manoj says “It was fear of unknown than anything else that prompted us to want to go back to India. Also, initially, it was hard to settle down.” At this point, the couple is divided right at the center on whether they would want to return. They both love India and Australia- truly! Considering that their son has chosen to go to India, we will have to wait for time to tell what they end up doing!

2) Do you have any interesting stories to share about your early days in Sydney?

Some rather funny stories in Manoj’s own words:

“We actually used to think that Australia issued us visa because they needed us. When anyone got a reject letter from an employer, we used to call it discrimination. There was nothing like that.

When the going was tough, we tried silly things like – supplying food to Indian stores, selling odd things to stores and so on. It was high level stupidity. There was no chance of success as it wasn’t our core competency.

Understanding Aussie accent was the biggest joke. I had missed couple of interview calls because I actually went to a different suburb. Driving on Motorways was fun and challenging. My company car was a community car used for grocery shopping to picnics and you name it.”

3) What did your parents think of your decision to migrate at the time? And what do they feel now? How did they cope with meeting you from time to time?

Manoj says “My parents were very happy for us. Parents always supported us in the move. I guess as they grow old, it really hits you like a thunderbolt. But by that time, you are sucked in [to the new land]. So the parting is more difficult for those who have left the motherland than those who are left behind. Fortunately, both Radha and I have three other siblings – all back in Mumbai. So our parents did not feel a complete vacuum. Also, we have managed to visit them many times and they visited quite a few times.”

Manoj gave a very interesting pointer regarding parents and their visits to their place. He said that we, as first generation migrants, need to identify needs of our parents at their age. Most parents of first generation migrants may not be comfortable going out and about in the foreign land. They may feel dependent for small things such as buying a cup of coffee or tea outside. Not so in India, mind you! Manoj said that if you can give them the freedom to choose to visit you whenever they feel like and more importantly, leave when they want to, that would be a wonderful gift to them. It is a well established fact that most parents will be willing to do whatever child demands of them. It is up to the children to not misuse this luxury!

4) Rohan chose to go back to India for work- He may or may not settle there, but, just the fact that a kid who is raised abroad can go back to his roots is wonderful achievement in and of itself. Can you think of some things you, as parents, did, consciously or subconsciously that may have been the grounds of this decision.

Manoj says, “We are extremely fortunate to have a son like Rohan who loves both countries equally. The culture blossoms at home. We never gave Rohan false hopes. We are more his friends than his parents. We explain him the available options but inspire him to make decisions. We have told him that success is not easy. One has to work for it and sometimes, you may still not get there. But enjoy the process of getting to the top, even if you don’t actually get there. Follow your passion.”

Also, Manoj mentioned that starting as early as seven years, Rohan visited India all by himself, even if his parents were not able to do so. And there he was pampered by his many relatives that he almost always looked forward to going back to India. Radha said that they always encouraged him to speak in native language at home and even today, Rohan’s language is not a problem- he can be at home in both countries!

One of the common problems migrants from developing countries to developed countries have is that they expect the Motherland to change to suit their needs or vice versa. An example Manoj gave was sometimes we may think the silence in this country is eerie and at the same time we also complain about the rush in local trains or the constant stream of outside noise back home. Manoj mentions having taught his son- “The simple road to happiness is to accept places the way they are. Enjoy the positives and work on the negatives to make them better. Don’t be disheartened if things don’t change. Keep trying.”

Radha gave quite a few pointers too. She said being their only child she wanted to make sure that Rohan never felt lonely. A simple way they did that was to have only one television in the house. Not that they could not have afforded another TV but, making sure that even if they spent an evening or two watching the tube, they could do so as a family. Even if that meant Radha had to watch sports all the time and be woken up in the middle of the night for when a century was completed or when Rohan’s favourite rugby team scored a goal!

5) Tell us a little bit more about your friends here. I am sure they are like your second family now.

Manoj says “Our friends [in Australia] are like our family. We can count on them and we try to reciprocate the same way. One of the important aspects of a true friendship is that financial and other successes should not feature in a friendship.”
Their family is fortunate to know about 25 other families who had migrated around the same time and are still very close! Radha shared her story of leaving Rohan behind with one of their family friends when she needed to travel to India when her father was not keeping well.

6) Let us talk about your friends back in India. Some others mentioned that sometimes, because your life experiences are so different, formation of a big gap in old friendships is inevitable. Is that your experience too? If not, how have you managed to maintain long-distance friendships back in India?

Social networking tools are connecting long lost friends- years later. Radha mentioned about getting back in touch with some of her friends in India via Facebook.

Manoj says “Friendships are never limited to physical proximity. I may not talk to my University friends for months or years. But when we get a chance to meet, we enjoy the same bachelor type talk as if we never went on different paths. I believe in living life in its pristine form. Take the mask off, be true to yourself. Do not compare your achievements with someone else’s to the extent that it will kill you. In short – enjoy what you have and got instead of worrying what you haven’t got.”

7) Looking back, can you think of a couple of Do’s and Don’ts to get to where you are today? Essentially, some advice on raising kids abroad will be helpful.

General advice in Manoj’s own words:
a) Enjoy both places like ‘Maher’ (‘Maika’) and ‘Sasar’ (‘Sasural’). Meet your parents, family and friends back home as frequently as you can. They grow old – just the way you do.
b) Don’t compare. Avoid unfair expectation of yourself. Everyone is not going to be a ‘multi-millionaire’.
c) Don’t postpone a holiday back home, if you can help it.
d) Don’t make the people back home feel substandard by giving unnecessary comparisons with the new land.

Regarding raising kids, again in Manoj’s own words:
a) Be friends and honest with your kid.
b) Identify his / her passion. Don’t attempt to make him / her an architect because you happen to be one.
c) Inspire your kid in success and support during failure. Failure is as human as success.
d) Don’t put untoward expectations on your kid.
e) Don’t lose patience.

8) Where do you think you are- individually or as a family- on the Ethnic Self-Identification scale?

In Manoj’s own words- “Definitely ‘Integrated’- It is all in you. People will discriminate if you want to be discriminated. Be one of them. Have an occasional drink with them. Don’t say, “Indians do it this way”. Start conversation and don’t just wait for others to take a lead.
I have made friends in many countries around the world. We all are humans with similar characteristics. Remove the prejudices in your mind and the world will accept you the way you are.”

I think we got many nuggets of useful information from this wonderful couple. If I get a chance to speak with their son Rohan sometime in future, I will surely take that opportunity to ask him a few questions about his experience working in Mumbai, a city many of us love! I wish the family all the best for a very bright future!