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Ok! This post is just to reply to a comment/question on my earlier post- did I always have these thoughts from the day I left India? The answer is No. I stumbled upon this thought and I must admit the inspiration, or rather the incident that inspired me to do this, has bothered me till date.
It was sometime a couple of years ago that I happened to visit two families on the same day- and the differences between them blew my mind away!
These were friends of my family and I knew nothing about them before I visited. I agree sometimes things are not quite how they appear to be but I am big believer of intuition and vibes.
The first family I visited, and I will call them happy-family, was just that- happy! They had a nice house and looked like they had visitors quite often. We had lots of laughs and I was really impressed by the fact that their son had decided to pursue an internship in India with an Indian company. Their dad-a first gen migrant- had a business that took him and his wife to India almost half of each year. Their other son when on phone with his friend sounded American but spoke with his parents in their mother tongue-Hindi. Just a very happy family!
The other house I visited, I had terrible vibes. The whole house screamed sadness. This first generation migrant couple were disappointed in life in general. They spoke of their son and daughter, who had moved out of the house and rarely visited them. In fact, we did overhear the gentleman speak with his son, in English, persuading to come home for dinner-just for the day!
They recounted their India visit experiences and all of them were bad, in general! The woman was sad that rarely anybody visits them these days. I was almost in tears when I left their place! Felt sorry for this couple, who probably feel quite lonely in the country they have decided to call home, and at the same time, dislike the country they used to call home!
This day left a profound impression on my mind- I surely thought of 20 years down the road, what couple will we be?
I want us to be the happy-family and dread to be the sad-family! So, I started thinking about what could have been the things they did, choices they made, decisions they took, that got them to where they were today... I also agree that life circumstances are different but yet, if I could extract a few guidelines on how to be happy as a first-generation migrant, that would be great!
We had with us somebody who had met these two couples almost two decades ago and had known them closely then. This somebody pointed out 3 major differences in the mindsets of the two families back then-when they were young and their kids were little. I will not reveal what the differences were in this post for a specific reason.
This incident and these differences form the basis of my inspiration and also act as the hypotheses for my investigation. Read on....
December 22, 2008
December 18, 2008
December 11, 2008
Ethnic Self-Identification- interesting topic!
It seems there is empirical research going on related to the "Ethnic Self-Identification". Here is are some interesting definitions of four aspects of ethnic self-identification as they apply to first-generation migrants.
"...we assume that there are four two-dimensional possibilities of how people view their ethnic self-identification, as they embrace new or shed old ethnic identities: people can feel integrated, that is they feel strongly connected to both the host and the home country, and the feelings can co-exist; people can feel assimilated,meaning that they completely adapt to the host country and disengage from thecountry of origin; they can feel separated, in the sense that they maintain strong connections to the country of origin and only a weak link with the host country; or they feel marginalized, that is they have loose connections to either the host or thehome country..."
Ethnic Self-Identification of First-Generation ImmigrantsLaura ZimmermannKlaus F. ZimmermannAmelie ConstantIZA, Georgetown University and DIW DCDiscussion Paper No. 2535December 2006
So I guess, my quest is really to ask folks how they were able to either integrate or assimilate successfully and avoid being seperated or feeling marginalized!
"...we assume that there are four two-dimensional possibilities of how people view their ethnic self-identification, as they embrace new or shed old ethnic identities: people can feel integrated, that is they feel strongly connected to both the host and the home country, and the feelings can co-exist; people can feel assimilated,meaning that they completely adapt to the host country and disengage from thecountry of origin; they can feel separated, in the sense that they maintain strong connections to the country of origin and only a weak link with the host country; or they feel marginalized, that is they have loose connections to either the host or thehome country..."
Ethnic Self-Identification of First-Generation ImmigrantsLaura ZimmermannKlaus F. ZimmermannAmelie ConstantIZA, Georgetown University and DIW DCDiscussion Paper No. 2535December 2006
So I guess, my quest is really to ask folks how they were able to either integrate or assimilate successfully and avoid being seperated or feeling marginalized!
December 8, 2008
Interview who?
I remember when I had to make what I thought was the first decision of my career way back in 1994! The big question for me then was - Science, Commerce or Arts? These used to be the three stream choices in front of a 16 year old! My dad, who I consider to be my mentor and guide, asked me then to look up people and their listed professions in his Rotary directory. He made me call 5 of them who i thought were in interesting professions to interview! I asked them questions like why did they select that occupation and so on and so forth. This was a great technique and I really got some great insights into various streams. Commerce sounded too boring and Arts was really not my thing! And hence, Science was the stream of choice.
Moving on, a couple of years later, during MBA, one of my favorite professor, Dr Siegel, asked us to do the same- interview people who we looked up to as leaders in their respective professions and companies and talk to them about how they achieved their goals and maintained work-life balance and other pointers they may have for students like me who are just starting out in their careers. I had a great time interviewing a CEO of a private organization, a young executive at yet another mid-size company, a woman manager at a multi-national. A wonderful mix of professionals and tremendous wealth of knowledge on various aspects of career development, was a result.
I truly enjoyed the time spent interviewing people who I look up to and people who I aspire to be. But in the past this has only been for a professional reason. I then had a thought- If I could do interviews for making a career choice or for professional reasons, why can I not do the same on my personal front?
I said in my previous post that we are a lucky generation of migrants! There is a reason why I feel so and it is that we have a lot of first generation migrants who left India way back in the 80's. They raised their kids in a foreign country and possibly have old parents back in India. If I had a chance to interview selected families, who have not only raised their kids in a foreign country right, but at the same time also fulfilled their duties toward old parents who are thousands of miles apart, I would have a great set of guidelines to follow. A kind of "Dos and Don't for First Generation Migrants". I plan to do this by interviewing families I look up to on a personal level! I think myself and my friends who are away from India, will have a lot to learn from the interview summaries. I wish my self good luck for this endeavour!
Moving on, a couple of years later, during MBA, one of my favorite professor, Dr Siegel, asked us to do the same- interview people who we looked up to as leaders in their respective professions and companies and talk to them about how they achieved their goals and maintained work-life balance and other pointers they may have for students like me who are just starting out in their careers. I had a great time interviewing a CEO of a private organization, a young executive at yet another mid-size company, a woman manager at a multi-national. A wonderful mix of professionals and tremendous wealth of knowledge on various aspects of career development, was a result.
I truly enjoyed the time spent interviewing people who I look up to and people who I aspire to be. But in the past this has only been for a professional reason. I then had a thought- If I could do interviews for making a career choice or for professional reasons, why can I not do the same on my personal front?
I said in my previous post that we are a lucky generation of migrants! There is a reason why I feel so and it is that we have a lot of first generation migrants who left India way back in the 80's. They raised their kids in a foreign country and possibly have old parents back in India. If I had a chance to interview selected families, who have not only raised their kids in a foreign country right, but at the same time also fulfilled their duties toward old parents who are thousands of miles apart, I would have a great set of guidelines to follow. A kind of "Dos and Don't for First Generation Migrants". I plan to do this by interviewing families I look up to on a personal level! I think myself and my friends who are away from India, will have a lot to learn from the interview summaries. I wish my self good luck for this endeavour!
December 7, 2008
Migrant memoirs
Hi!
It has been about five years I left India. In a short span of five years, I have gone through emotions of anxiety of a settling in a new country, trying to fit in and making new friends- both Desi and non-Desi and a different work culture. Planning for my first trip back home and then the second... meeting parents after a long time and saying bye again, not knowing when I would meet them next. Then, having a child changes the equation yet again! Just being a first generation migrant in foreign country is an experience in itself!
I know each migrant story is different, emotions are different but somewhere I see all first genration migrants have a common thread. This blog is an attempt to get to that something which we all share- love for our motherland staying away from her!
We are a rare breed. We were born and brought up in India. Opportunities took us to a foreign nation, away from India. Our kids are born in this foreign land and will probably never relate to India the way we do. We are that bridge generation - trying to connect our parents to our kids. 20 years later, we will have parents who are old and in India. 20 years later, our kids will just have begun their careers and in all probabilities, planning to stay in the country they were born and brought up in. Where will that leave us? What country do we call home then? Will we be able to return back to care for our parents? Or will the technology have advanced so much that distances won't matter? As my mind fills with these questions, I also think that this migrant generation is lucky! We are not true pioneers in migrant terms. We have folks who did the same journey 20 years ago. The world has changed a lot since the past 20 years. Advances in communications enable us to talk to anybody in the world and it is just a button press away! However, emotions are still the same. We have a lot to learn from the generation who I term as migrant pioneers.
As I start this blog, my daughter is a year old. One has flown by quickly. Before I know, she will start college. So, what is the purpose of this blog? I would like to learn from this pioneer first generation migrants about how they managed their life in general. Everybody has a story to tell and we have nothing but to gain tremendously from their wisdom. May it be learning about how to bridge the gap between our kid who speaks in a foreign language..literally and figuratively and his or her grand parent who they meet only about once a year, if they are lucky! Or perhaps how best to help our kids fit in and manage the challenge of being ABCD (American -or Australian or fill-your-country- Born Confused Desis).
"Migrant memoirs"- I hope you find the time spent here meaningful! Let us see where our journey takes us next!
It has been about five years I left India. In a short span of five years, I have gone through emotions of anxiety of a settling in a new country, trying to fit in and making new friends- both Desi and non-Desi and a different work culture. Planning for my first trip back home and then the second... meeting parents after a long time and saying bye again, not knowing when I would meet them next. Then, having a child changes the equation yet again! Just being a first generation migrant in foreign country is an experience in itself!
I know each migrant story is different, emotions are different but somewhere I see all first genration migrants have a common thread. This blog is an attempt to get to that something which we all share- love for our motherland staying away from her!
We are a rare breed. We were born and brought up in India. Opportunities took us to a foreign nation, away from India. Our kids are born in this foreign land and will probably never relate to India the way we do. We are that bridge generation - trying to connect our parents to our kids. 20 years later, we will have parents who are old and in India. 20 years later, our kids will just have begun their careers and in all probabilities, planning to stay in the country they were born and brought up in. Where will that leave us? What country do we call home then? Will we be able to return back to care for our parents? Or will the technology have advanced so much that distances won't matter? As my mind fills with these questions, I also think that this migrant generation is lucky! We are not true pioneers in migrant terms. We have folks who did the same journey 20 years ago. The world has changed a lot since the past 20 years. Advances in communications enable us to talk to anybody in the world and it is just a button press away! However, emotions are still the same. We have a lot to learn from the generation who I term as migrant pioneers.
As I start this blog, my daughter is a year old. One has flown by quickly. Before I know, she will start college. So, what is the purpose of this blog? I would like to learn from this pioneer first generation migrants about how they managed their life in general. Everybody has a story to tell and we have nothing but to gain tremendously from their wisdom. May it be learning about how to bridge the gap between our kid who speaks in a foreign language..literally and figuratively and his or her grand parent who they meet only about once a year, if they are lucky! Or perhaps how best to help our kids fit in and manage the challenge of being ABCD (American -or Australian or fill-your-country- Born Confused Desis).
"Migrant memoirs"- I hope you find the time spent here meaningful! Let us see where our journey takes us next!
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